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[17 Jul 2008|11:18am]
With Scrubs absent until the fall, I've turned to other fandoms (namely Stargate: SG-1) for solace, ahah. I'm only into the third season, but I got inspired and wrote a fic called Misplaced. It's a Buffy/SG-1 crossover, and my first gen/mebbe het? fic in a while.

That said, you can read all my other fics at holetoledo. I've moved most of everything from Fanfiction.net over there.
2 comment?

[17 Aug 2007|04:01pm]
If NASA says so, it must be true?

The world is ending in 2012? D:
1 comment?

[13 Aug 2007|02:10pm]
So the other day, Adam, Chrissy, Diandra, Eric, and I went to Nutley to watch the meteor showers. We left around four and then we ate at Pizza Uno's and went bowling before heading to our usual spot in Boot Park.

Chrissy helped Diandra put eyeliner whiskers on her at Pizza Uno's. XD

This was our sky around eight in the evening. It cleared up by ten, but we were obstructed by trees. We need to find a better spot.

Adam teaching me how to find north on my compass.

It was a very minor meteor shower, or at least it seemed that way (I only saw about three meteorites, two of which were very bright). Perhaps it just wasn't dark enough. :( But next time we'll be ready. We'll go to upstate New York and everything, so that we'll just have a clear expanse of sky.

The sky started getting cloudy around midnight, so we just started fucking around. XD

The next two following meteor showers that I know of are:

The Orionids - Visible Saturday, Sunday, and/or Monday mornings of October 20-22. 2am-6am local daylight time are the best hours as the radiant is highest then. Orionids are at SOUTH-SOUTHEAST.

The Geminids - December 14 from midnight until morning twilight (viewing can be productive even before midnight). The Geminids can be viewed in any spot in the sky.

On another note, I just faxed my resume to Dr. Merela. :D

[06 Aug 2007|11:52pm]
I'm just one big ball of unnecessary stress right now, and I can't figure out why my brain is on hyperdrive. It's as though it's on a treadmill on max speed with no sign of it slowing down anytime soon. I'm exhausted but I can't go to bed yet cause I'm waiting on a friend to sign on and tell me if things are running smoothly for tomorrow. I'm pretty much running on adrenaline right now and I hope to God that I wear myself out before it's time for bed.

I don't know why I worry about things that haven't caught up with me yet. I feel as though I'm always anticipating something to happen, and I'm constantly on edge because of it. I've noticed how I'm always tense and how I'm always forcing myself to relax. The first few seconds after I wake up are probably my calmest, and then everything comes flooding in and I'm drowning in my worries before I even begin my day. I don't know where all this anxiety comes from, but it's doing a good job tiring me out.

One thing that's eating at me is my god sister is coming here sometime this month to live with us, and I'll be sharing my living space with her since my aunt occupies the guest room on most days. I love her to death, but she can get annoying as hell if I spend enough time with her (which I can rightfully say about anyone cause I feel suffocated when I don't have enough free time to myself). Even though she says she's only staying about two months max, anything can happen to postpone her plans. And that means less sleep and less personal space and less concentration and more tolerating on my part. And I hate to think that I'm merely 'tolerating' anyone, especially when it starts to feel like I'm not enjoying their company anymore. She can be a real freeloader too, and I'm the worst kind that she can be paired off with. I'm overly compassionate. It's inevitable that I'm going to be lending her money, even when I don't have enough for myself.

And within those two months that she'll be here, my dad will be leaving. He's leaving for the Philippines again on September 9 to pick up his dad (he broke his hip exercising), and I'm already wondering how I'm going to be getting him to the airport since the person who usually plays taxi for us recently got deported. I've never driven out of state, even if it's just in New York. I'm just hoping that I'll stay more on the highway than on the streets of the city, cause the last thing I want to do is to put myself in a sea of yellow, horn-blaring taxi cabs that tailgate each other on a daily basis.

I'm also worried about the school year. My health for the past three or four years has interrupted my studies. I don't want it to anymore. But flare ups can happen at any moment and at any time, and it's so God damn unpredictable and inconvenient. I don't want to waste anymore money and I don't want to keep signing up for half-assed classes just because I'm worried Behcet's will intervene again.

My uncle suggested yoga. My joints are messed up though, and there are some really ridiculous stretches. But I subscribed to a yoga magazine and I'm using the 4-6 weeks that it will get here to at least get into shape and stretch out a little so I won't have too much trouble. And I can just stick to the easier exercises. I think there's a yoga network on OnDemand too, so I won't have to pay for group sessions. Except I'm not sure if that will work out cause I never have access to my television, because my grandfather only cares about himself and thinks he owns the living room couch, the television, and basically everything running on electricity since he pays for that portion of the household bills.

I forgot to mention, but I didn't get a call back from my potential boss. And I'm honestly not worried about it. In fact, I'm a little relieved. I can use some extra time to myself this year, especially since I'm recuperating from the last flare up. I don't know how much longer I'll be in physical therapy, but I think it's working pretty well. I used to shake just while standing, but it isn't that bad anymore.

This is somewhat of a busy week for me. I'm going out with a friend tomorrow for ice cream and bowling and beer. And then I have physical therapy on Thursday, and I'm trying to fit Kevin into my schedule if he has the time. I'd really like to see him before he moves to Syracuse. I'm going to Monnie's birthday party - or at least I think I am. I have to check if she has seats available because I forgot to RSVP. I keep forgetting to ask her. And then there's a meteor shower on the 12th at 9pm, and I'm planning on taking Chrissy, Eric, and Diandra to see it in Nutley cause that's the only place where we can actually see stars. Jersey City is cloaked in smog.

Oh, gosh. I googled images of speculums the other day, just because I was curious. Oh, gosh.

Let's pray I never have to go to an OBGYN. At least anytime soon. D:

Ooh, I went to a flea market on Sunday and they were selling crossbows for like thirty-two bucks a piece! If only I had a use for it, otherwise it'd just sit on one of my shelves and collect dust. ._.,

Guh. I'm getting addicted to selling stuff on Amazon.

This entry has gotten way too long. And spazzy.

For my Kristina! :) [02 Aug 2007|09:16pm]
306K 1:40
(no transcription available)

Graagh, feedback bad! I hope you could understand it. :(

Lyrics and guitar chords:

Kristina, Kristina, I love you so
C Am Dm C

If you were water for my garden,
C Am

You'd make my flowers grow
Dm C

Your hair in the sunlight; so breathtaking
C Am Dm C

I love ev'ry moment with you
C Am

And the happiness they bring
Dm C


Your eyes, they shine with ethereal light
F C Dm C

They guide me home in the darkness of the night
F C Dm C


Your aesthetic touch brings beauty to my life
C Am Dm C

You calm me when I'm depleted
C Am

And whenever I'm at strife
Dm C

You take me by the hand
C Am

And guide me to the light
Dm C

And whenever I am blinded,
C Am

You return back my sight
Dm C

2 comment?

[27 Jul 2007|11:45pm]
There's a drought in my head.

It's catastrophic. My beliefs have all of a sudden withered and I don't know what source I can turn to to revive them. But they're still connected by the roots, lodged into place -- but still searching, still hungering, still reaching. For anything. They wait for something to pass through, something that will nourish them, something that will help them grow. They grasp at the air, sometimes catching whatever happens to drift by with the help of the currents of time.

My beliefs are tainted, though. They're tainted by memory, and they release anything that makes them remember what it's like to be misled. So they grasp for something that glows with self-righteousness. They can't bear to find someone else to idolize; all of their heroes have crumbled into dust and blown away -- but some don't disappear forever. Some of those particles become filtered out, but the larger chunks get caught up in the thought process. They're difficult to erode, even when faced with the currents of time.

I think I'm going to have to hold out until the rainy season. It will come.

Just not as soon as I would like.
4 comment?

[27 Jul 2007|12:22am]
Snagged from randomsome1. :3

1. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
2. Tag seven people to do the same.
3. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag whoever wants to do it.

1. One of the weirdest erogenous zones I have is my head. Plz don't rub my head. ._.,
2. My entire body tingles when I hear a really good song, especially with an amazing guitar solo.
3. I've eaten an entire bar of 73% bitter chocolate and tasted nothing while my friends and my dad cringed and complained about a small piece for ten minutes.
4. I have had a chronic disease for the past four years that could lead to blindness and bone loss if not managed by medication.
5. I can remember everything that everyone has ever said to me, but I can't recall what I had for dinner the day before.
6. I'm afraid of commitment, and anything that ties me down - school, a job, a boyfriend/girlfriend - scares the living shit out of me. I have never had a stable job or a long term relationship.
7. I actually have horrible social anxiety, but I hide it well by acting really stupid, or if in terms of the workforce, really professional. ._.,

[25 Jul 2007|06:41pm]

You can find the strangest things in Asian supermarkets. Take this, for instance. It's carbonated, peach flavored mineral water. But that's not what's strange about it. Its container isn't a can, but it isn't a bottle either! How cool!

And it tastes like Heineken beer. O_o
1 comment?

[25 Jul 2007|12:51am]
I have a job interview Thursday! I'm so excited. I'm going to be working - if they hire me, which I'm sure they will - at another dental clinic. I think it will be a little different this time because Meme's dentist said that she'll be putting me in front of the computer for the most part and I'll be handling appointments and probably insurance claims. Mrs. Charito never let me do any of the insurance stuff in fear of me fucking things up, but then again, she never did give me much of a chance. I was basically her bitch. I'm hoping through this new work experience that I gain a new perspective and a lot more respect for the profession, because with all the bullshit that I went through two years ago, well, I kinda lost hope in it.

Wish me luck! :)

Hurray! With the job description that Meme gave me, it sounds like they're designating me as case file manager. And that means I'll be sitting down for the most part, so I won't be putting too much stress on my knees. At the same time, I feel kinda sad that I won't be dental assisting, but at least I cover all areas so that I'll know what goes on in a dental office, for when I get one of my own after graduate school. :D


Tina: "Getgo... Get gas and go!"

[re: Pink Floyd playing on my radio]
Analexa: "What kind of music do you listen to?"
Me: "Music that you will never appreciate."

[re: Analexa is about to put a spoonful of rice in her mouth at Mitsuwa]
Analexa: "Wait--this rice is rice, right?"

Analexa: "What's the difference between Japanese and Chinese food?"
Me: "Chinese food is fake. You will never see 'Chinese food' if you eat at a Chinese person's house."

Brittney: "I think Analexa listens to the radio more than I do."
Tina: "Yeah, like, the top forties on the radio or something."
Me: [re: the song playing on my radio] "Yeah, this song was in the top forties... in 1979."
Analexa: -starts laughing incredulously-

Ah, to spend an entire day with a twelve year old and uncultured teenybopper. Kinda infuriating, I must admit!


RIP Uncle Rene.


Graagh, LJ was down for a couple of hours. ._.,
1 comment?

ATTN: Selling books! [23 Jul 2007|05:40pm]
I have a couple of books that I'm selling cause I'm broke and I also need money for college, lurl. T_T; They are listed below:

The list is here...Collapse )

Ok, here's the catch. If any of these don't sell within sixty days and you like one (or a few :P) of them, I'll send it to you only for the cost of shipping and handling, which is $4 (unless I tell you otherwise cause some of these books are small). :P Bookshelf space is a priority on my list too, so that's second priority to college monies as of now. :P

Start calling dibs!
4 comment?

[19 Jul 2007|11:30am]
Jason - my physical therapist - was taking down my pertinent medical history before teaching me some stretches. The pen in his hand hovered over my records, and he made eye contact with me with every question that he asked.

"So when did you dislocate your knee cap?" he asked me.

"Uh, I think March twenty-seven."

"And how'd it happen? Did you fall or...?"

"I was exercising. It was some weird... knee rotating exercise... thing."

He looked at me thoughtfully before putting my medical records down. He got to his feet, put his hands on his thighs, and swiveled his knees in a circular motion. "Like that?" he asked.

"Yeah, exactly," I muttered.

He laughed. "That's some martial arts stuff."

"I know. It isn't much of a natural movement, either."

"Yeah... I took martial arts for a while and it wasn't until later on did I find that it wasn't a very good exercise."

Now that I think about it, I asked Jae to prepare me for the physical labor that was pretty much warranted working with the EMS. Except I think he misheard me and heard "war" instead.

...thanks a lot, Jae. Thanks. Thanks a lot.

[18 Jul 2007|01:20am]
Fighting on the internet is so incredibly stupid. Trying to end a friendship of 3+ years through a short and concise email is even stupider, especially when you use cliche lines like, "The memories we had were great, but we've gone in different directions. It would just be not fair to me or to you if we thought we had a connection that we don't have anymore." I'm not an idiot. An abrupt and final decision such as this doesn't come out of thin air, and no amount of sugar-coated bullshit is going to make me believe for one second that that was all that was. Especially when the last real conversation you had with the person was full of hugs and mushiness and, "You really grew up, and I'm proud of what I see."

What changed? And why wasn't I there to see the metamorphosis?

For one last time, I am demanding closure. And if I don't get it, well, that's just one more open wound this year that I'll be tending to by myself.

This is utterly ridiculous.

[14 Jul 2007|10:07pm]

People who're hired to write this kinda stuff must be intrinsically pessimistic, huh?

Quick, make up a ridiculous warning label! Your life depends on it, y'know.

Here, I'll start.

"Warning: If you swallow your food and it inadvertently goes down the wrong pipe, your airway may become blocked and you may die via asphyxiation."
7 comment?

[13 Jul 2007|10:40pm]
How do I tell a really good friend that they've been really inconsiderate lately?

Well, on the bright side, my laptop's been shipped to me, and I have named him Jimmy (which is a dedication to Jimmy Page!).

Yes, I do love to name inanimate objects.

I had a drinking party with Gil and Danjyu the other day, and it was really chill. It was the first time in a while that I got to blow off some steam, as well as relax just a little bit. It was exactly what I needed. Danjyu showed me the Led Zeppelin concert in Madison Square Garden from 1979 and it was really amazing. It's nice to put a physical visual to Plant's wailing and Page's crazy guitar playing and Bonham's phenomenal drumming. Agh, just the thought of it makes me happy. I think I'm all set for the rest of the week, ahaha.

I'm in Trenton now, so I won't get to get acquainted with Jimmy until tomorrow. But I've installed most of my necessities (except for SoulSeek because I had forgotten), so all my work is all basically cut out for me. I'm excited!

Graagh, but the first thing I mentioned is really chipping away at my good mood. I need to get things straightened out, and fast - or else I'm going to lose my temper and things will go horribly, horribly wrong.
5 comment?

[11 Jul 2007|01:27pm]

I got a ticket. I guess I parked too close to the crosswalk. I hate parking on my block. I came home last night and my street was full of double-parked cars. HATEHATEHATE.

I really need a driveway. Can't I just accidentally run my front fence over with the 4x4? Then we wouldn't have to make so much noise when the construction workers try to saw it down (which is what made us get our permit taken away in the first place)!


[10 Jul 2007|10:55pm]
I feel so restless lately. It feels as though I'm not where I'm supposed to be. I've been so anxious about school lately and I want to get a job too. But it seems as though I've been keeping myself busy with a lot of petty things.

Erin was telling me about how she went to school drunk every day last semester and she still managed to get a 3.5. If it's that easy to pass in that school, I'm horrified. I want to work for what I want, not have it all drop into my lap. :\ I don't even know how my classes will be like because they've all been based my on how my transcript looked since my transferring from another school exempted me from the placement exams. I wish I'd been given a chance to, because I have a feeling that I'm going to have some bullshit classes. And most of them are two hours and forty-five minutes long, if not more. Jesus Christ. The least I could hope for is air conditioning and decent instructors.

I'm really tired of driving around. I think I've driven more than 2,000 miles since my dad's been away. My friends need to get their licenses (or at least drive around enough that they get better at it) so I could take a breather, cause being the designated driver sucks, honestly. And even when Gil got his license, I still had to take care of him because at the time he was taking medicine that made him drowsy and I had to drive when I'd been on my feet for like 10+ hours at work. I don't even know how he survived getting to Edgewater. So much for a ride home, hahah.

I surprised Chrissy today. It's her birthday and she thought it'd be crappy like the rest of them have been, but Eric and I decided she needed a change of scenery. I picked him up around one, got a cake from PathMark, and then picked up Tina. We arrived at her house around two and we had to coax her out of the house while Eric waited in the car with the cake all lit up. She'd taken so long that the ropes on the candle had all burned out, so she was left with a waxy looking cake. Hahah. I brought us to Mitsuwa and we had lunch, and we hung around and I chilled with Danjyu for a little bit during his break. We went to B&N afterwards and I bought the new White Stripes CD at the FYE adjacent to it. :D Then we went back home and I parked near Newport and we got bubble tea and just ambled around a bit. I walked around with Tina while Eric and Chrissy spent time together, which is always the case, haha. Tina had to go home because she had to cook dinner for her family, so we went in search of the love birds but we couldn't find them. We looked all over the pier, and then we eventually got tired and we sat down for a while and talked some more. By the time we were starting back towards where I'd parked, we ran into Chrissy and Eric. They'd been at Newport Mall the entire time, and we weren't able to get a hold of them because neither of them have cell phones. ._.,

I drove everyone home afterwards and now I'm here. And pooped.

Drinking and barbecue party on Thursday, yay!

I swear I am not budging at all next week, except for maybe my physical therapy. I need a vacation from my vacation.

I sometimes wonder if people notice when they're being inconsiderate. :\

Oh well. And such is life, I suppose.

[05 Jul 2007|02:57am]
July 4th, 2007Collapse )

So today - July 5 - happens to be the day I quit smoking. I made a pact with Candace that we'd both quit by today, and so far I haven't freaked out. Much. Although I am very aware that a cigarette isn't perched between my lips at this very moment, but that's nothing new as I am aware of every waking moment that one isn't.

Wish me luck, and grant me sanity, ahaha.

I need something to preoccupy myself with. :\ And right now, sleep sounds really good. Hopefully I'll be able to fall asleep though, cause normally I can't without a bedtime cigarette. D:
5 comment?

[04 Jul 2007|02:25am]
Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard to keep everyone happy. I guess it's because I know how it is to be let down, because I've disappointed as many people as much as I've disappointed myself. It's such a heavy burden too, as empty as it is. But the more I try to help, the more cumbersome it feels. It makes me feel incredibly guilty that I've come to think that way, but there's only so much that I can hold up by myself. I can only build a foundation that's fit enough for me, but sometimes I try to stretch my support a little further. And the more I stretch, the sparser it becomes.

I often think about hoarding all of that foundation all for myself, but it all seems a bit meaningless if all that effort were to be used solely on me. I know that everyone must come to depend on themselves at some point, but all that self-confidence and self-esteem doesn't come out of thin air. We realize our worth through the people we come to meet, the trust that we earn, and how we go about using it.

So maybe my foundation isn't as sparse as I think it is. Perhaps I'm more of a cell wall than I am a mason. While a mason builds with the material provided to him, a cell wall will continue to expand as much as it continues to grow, drawing from natural and much more permanent elements than what the mason is left to work with.

[03 Jul 2007|02:57pm]
College Algebra - 1200-1445.
Building D-
Science Center, Rm. 107
168 Sip Ave.

College Composition I - 1200-1445.
Building F-
Cundari Center, Rm. 101
870 Bergen Ave.

College Composition Workshop - 1500-1550.
Building B-
Historic Pathside, Rm. 312
25 Journal Square

Principles of Sociology - 1200-1445.
Building B-
Historic Pathside, Rm. 310
25 Journal Square

Intro to Computers & Computing - 12:00-1545.
Building F-
Cundari Center, Rm. 118
870 Bergen Ave.

My first class is Sociology on August 29. I'm going to have so much fun finding these facilities.

[30 Jun 2007|08:36pm]
So Gil is trying to convince me that a mini fridge will fit in my car, and I'm fairly certain that it won't considering how small it is. So he calls back a few minutes later and proposes,

"Erica. Erica, I have a plan. I'm sure you'll like it."

"I'm not sure I will, Gil."

"No, no. Listen. Are you listening?"

"Fine. I'm listening."

"Ok, good ... How about we don't bring Candace's grandma?"


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